i hate myself !

hey guys. i am appropriately embarrassed and please unfollow me if you hate this stuff, but i found myself in a situation where i have to move pretty suddenly (long story short: partner got a job in another state, i have to stay here for now, can’t stay in current place because the full rent is 71% of my income, have to pay first/last/security at another place) and am still short money (other long story short: i was on unpaid medical leave from work for 3 months earlier this year for a chronic illness, which kind of wrecked my credit/i’m still recovering from it). i have most of the deposit, but i need $800ish by 7/25. if you have anything to spare and want to paypal it to coolthoughts@nervous.org that would be cool.

i don’t have anything to sell, my family is pretty poor, and my partner (who normally would do anything to help me) has to pay the costs up front to move across the country, so i don’t really have a lifeline here.

services i can offer in return:
- i can mail you an envelope of cat hair (currently in stock: gray, white, black)
- i will rewrite your okcupid profile so you get hella laid
- i have some crappy plus size old navy clothes?
- you can look at me on a web camera?
- i can be a sad clown at your party
- i can give you advice but i already do that for free so you’d be ripping yourself off if you chose this one !

anyway, i do need help and it sucks to be vulnerable, but there are lots of other people who need help more than me so please don’t feel obligated ! also i understand if you now think i’m an annoying butt.

OOTD from yesterday, even though i don’t feel so great


this is what i wore yesterday. the photo was taken by my partner, who doesn’t know how i WANT to look in pictures and just takes pictures of how i LOOK, which are often at odds. but whatever, i’m cool, i’m very fat, look at me world.


shirt: old navy, XXL tall
skirt: old navy plus, 2X
shoes: some old vans?  they are not recommended. they’re weird like, low cut vans.

anyway, yeah, lettin it all hang out.


hag a great summer

knowitallnurse said: Hi! I'm in need of some help. I am looking for a strapless bra. I can't seem to find any that are comfortable and supportive that don't cost a ton of money. The one that I wear now is awful it is giant, has 6 clasps the band is about 4 or 5 inches and it has glue type stuff all over the inside. It's horrible and I am so uncomfortable wearing it. I am a 46c/d so I can't ever find bras my size in stores, much less strapless bras. Have you, or any of your readers, found a good strapless bra?

i have never had a need for a strapless bra (i saw the video for ‘like a prayer’ in second grade and was like, hey, visible bra straps is a good look) but maybe some readers have- the verdict here is usually ‘lane bryant has one that is like a horrible chest vice but it does its job’.


We can hardly contain our excitement! Come October, we’ll be launching a full collection of adorable pieces available in an XS-4X size range. The style maven behind the designs? None other than fashion blogger Nicolette Mason! Check out the full sneak peek on Refinery29

dare we get our hopes up? i love that polka dot dress and floral skirt, and some of it is even *pants* !

hey guys ! 2014 has been the worst weirdest year (thankfully now it’s just ‘weird’ and not ‘worst’) ! i haven’t been able to pay as much attention to this blog as usual, and probably won’t until august due to ~~~life changes~~~, so if you submitted stuff, hold tight, i *will* get around to posting it !

i’m still blogging on my personal blog and my questions blog because they take less time and i don’t have to be funny or smart. xoxo.



In sunlight (not blue !)

okay, this is where i give up. the ends will never be perfect, but it’s dark gray finally.

in case you guys were wondering how my gray hair turned out. two bleachings, two tonings, gallons of violet shampoo (clairol shimmer lights, jhermack silver, joico violet conditioner), and three tubes of pravana silver dye later.also i feel weird reblogging to my fashion blog from my personal blog FROM my defunct old personal blog but whatever.



In sunlight (not blue !)

okay, this is where i give up. the ends will never be perfect, but it’s dark gray finally.

in case you guys were wondering how my gray hair turned out. two bleachings, two tonings, gallons of violet shampoo (clairol shimmer lights, jhermack silver, joico violet conditioner), and three tubes of pravana silver dye later.

also i feel weird reblogging to my fashion blog from my personal blog FROM my defunct old personal blog but whatever.

lizscheiner said: Do you know of any places that sell super wide calf boots? Even ones from department stores are too tight for me and I'm hesitant to order online from places I've never bought from before.

torrid’s wide calf stretchy boots usually fit me ! and simply be apparently has some ! there’s also a site whose name i can’t remember, and i’m going to publish this so someone reblogs it and answers. :D



"What do u mean ur fat and you don’t wanna dress rockabilly?? You must be mistaken" ~ every speciality fat clothing store

things I truly hate.

taylormparsons said: Hi! I feel bad for asking this because I'm not entirely sure where I read it originally but was it you who blogged that plus size clothing store master lis? I really want to check it out :)

yes, you can find ye olde master list right here.

half wtf/half useful baby


so i wanted to share this link for a few reasons. basically, this company, wingz fashion, makes… sleeves.  sleeves that you can wear independent of whatever else you’re wearing. in general, i really like this product idea- i know a lot of people who like to keep covered for comfort (and for religious reasons), people who have to cover their tattoos in professional settings, people who aren’t ‘there’ yet with liking their arms, etc.

imagehowever, two of the things on the list are, and i quote, “fat arms” and “saggy bingo wings.” like… gross? i can’t put my finger on what rubs me the wrong way about it, but i guess perpetuating the idea that fat arms or ‘saggy bingo wings’ (haaaaaaate that phrase) are something to be ashamed of and should be literally listed alongside ‘disfigurement.’ they do list ‘skinny arms’ as well and i’m sure some people are self-conscious about that, but it feels like more of a CYA move on their part.

these come in sizes 4-26 US, and they may be worth checking out if you want them, but i can’t help but feel bummed about seeing the words ‘fat arms’ listed. honestly, though, i might buy the pair pictured above because i have a dress that shoes too much armpit skin for work. whatever, feelings are complicated.

p.s. lest you think i’m all blog and no e-mail, i did send them an e-mail telling them my reaction as a potential customer and suggesting some non-shamey alternatives !!

p.p.s. oh lawd, i’m not opposed to calling fat arms ‘fat arms,’ don’t you nerds know me at all? i just feel skeeved by them listing ‘fat arms’ along with legitimate reasons to cover up, rather than something like ‘insecurity about your arms’

okay, i’m glad i wrote- the team at wingz got back to me when i wrote them and were super receptive to the feedback (it was actually copy they were already considering editing). they were also kind and candid enough to share with me the history of the company’s founder- she created the product to deal with a medical condition of her own, and she designs plus size clothing at fatphrocks.com (which specializes in TALL plus size dresses). she also employs other plus size bloggers/writers, like sarah from gorgeouslyfullfat.com. so, the wording on the site wasn’t coming from one of those ‘HIDE YOUR DISGUSTING FAT BODY !’ places but an ‘i’ve been there and want to help you’ place. i’ve actually had a lot of people with lipedema write to me asking for help with clothing recommendations, and i know that can be a huge challenge.

full disclosure- they did offer to send me a pair of wingz to review for you guys, but i decided to write this before that, and you guys know i’d never say anything i didn’t mean, especially to get free junk. i just don’t want my first post to discourage people from checking out and supporting other plus size people because of my kneejerk reaction !

nametags said: I'm still in the process of getting my issue resolved, but I just wanted to say/warn other ladies out there that Lane Bryant's customer service for online orders is really poor. They're unwilling to correct their mistake until they're able to charge you for the replacement items, even if they acknowledge that the issue was on their side.

hey, thanks for letting me know ! i’ve had a lot of issues with lane bryant online to the point where i just kind of give up with them (which sucks because they have the only bras/underwear that kinda fit me). for years and years their site just DIDN’T TAKE DEBIT CARDS !!! and then they started to and charged me twice once when i bought a dress to wear to a work function and it took forever to get it resolved.

ahhh someone sent me a message looking for gold blouses !

send me a message with your e-mail address, i just stayed at work an hour late looking for stuff for you :D


OOTD, crocs/dirty hair/wrinkled dress edition


maybe my hair IS green like my passive aggressive coworker said !


dress: eShakti heart print cotton dress, custom sizing (i added short puffed sleeves, a wide scoop neck, and made it knee length)
leggings: redress regular length teggings, one size, in gray
ring of leg hair around my ankles: thrifted
shoes: crocs from the crypt

i cannot recommend teggings enough. they are so comfortable and fit so well. i feel like i’m wearing yoga pants or something ! they don’t pinch or roll or anything at all on me, and the cuffs would probably stretch way bigger. i’m 5’9” so the ‘regular length’ is almost cropped on me, but i’m also a Big American so that may also shorten them. for reference, my waist is 61” and my hips are 66” and they fit with room to spare without becoming opaque. love them.

still sharing my OOTDs with you guys so you can see how stuff fits on a wrinkly lazy lady.


we can put a man on the moon but you can’t make clothes in a size larger than L 

oh no ! a stain !

okay, you guys have been very helpful about stuff like this in the past. i have a really, that is my favorite dress- just like, in fit and comfort and cuteness. 

apparentlyyyy while at indian buffet awhile back, i dropped a blorp of food in my lap and didn’t notice, and the dress went through the washer AND dryer. tide pen didn’t help. it’s just a blorp of brown on the skirt on my left lower belly area on the skirt. the dress is almost white, so it’s super obvious, but it isn’t white enough to spot treat with bleach. the fabric is like, the poly-est ester of all time.


so, two questions:
1) does anyone have any tried and true methods of getting an old set stain out of offwhite polyester?
2) would it be weird if i bought a giraffe brooch and just pinned it to the skirt? the spot is between my knee and bellybutton on the left side of the dress skirt.  something like this:




what do you think?

p.s. drycleaner said there was nothing they could do ! i also have tried soaking it in regular tide and spot treating it with dawn, but as i mentioned i already put it through the dryer before i realized :(